


i love you, even then

by CodeForGlory



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodeForGlory/pseuds/CodeForGlory
Summary: a rough night leads to cuddles with a lover :)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 19





	i love you, even then

Bucky was sitting alone in a parking lot, his bike recklessly thrown aside. he was messing with the gravel below him, not making a sound. there was a soft orange glow from the streetlight above him, along with a wet grassy field behind him edged with trees. 

it was nearing one in the morning, he really should be home. his parents didn’t know that he was out. home life just became too much, from his sister screaming to his parents fighting in the room across from his. he just couldn’t handle it. 

he was beginning to feel paranoid, the empty field facing his back. he could hear sticks snapping in the distance. 

he kept looking over his shoulder every few minutes, deciding to talk to scare away whoever was back there. 

“i wish i was okay, i wish i didn’t have to worry about stupid shit. i wish i was straight, i hate being fucking queer. it’s wrong and gross. i wish my parents loved each other and i wish my sister would just shut the hell up sometimes,” maybe whoever was out there would pity him and leave him alone. 

he continued to rant on and on about his fucked up life, how he wished he had a better one or simply didn’t want one at all. 

he started to sob, finally releasing months of built up emotions. a white car drove by, music blasting, he ducked his head. 

he continued to mess with the small rocks on the ground, forming a small pile just to push it down again. 

he reached beside his bike to grab his phone that was laying on the concrete, checking the time.  _ 1:34 _ it read. 

he really should head home. 

  
  


-

a police car drove by, only to turn around and park next to him in the parking lot. 

the officer parked his car and walked over to Bucky. 

“hey kid, what’s your name?”

Bucky startled, he hadn’t noticed the man pull up. 

“uh- James Barnes, sir.”

“alright, James, are you okay ? why are you out here alone ?”

“y-yes sir, i’m okay,”  _ clearly you’re not  _ “i was actually just heading home,” the boy lied. 

he stood up, grimacing at the sharp pain in his forearms, and walked over to his bike. he gave a quick nod to the officer and hopped on the padded seat. 

-

he took his turns in a rushed way, not slowing down, not caring to look for cars. 

he got to the street his house was on a few minutes after he started his ride home. 

there were five deer in his front yard. 

_ oh, deer.  _

_ his  _ dear,  _ his _ darling, was waiting for him. 

he quickly turned his bike around, turning down a different street instead of his alleyway. 

he should probably give a warning before he came over but that’s the last of his thoughts now. 

  
  


-

  
  


he set his bike on the side of the wooden shed in his best friends yard, running towards the back door and opening it with the key Mrs. Rogers gave him for emergencies. 

he quietly made his way across the house, up the stairs and down the hall to Steve’s room. 

he knocked on the door before opening it. Steve was sitting at his desk in the corner of his room, listening to music. 

“..Steve,” Bucky whispered, tapping Steve on the shoulder, Steve screamed. 

“WHAT THE HELL BUCKY!”

“shhh !” 

“sorry- heh- sorry, Steve.”

“you fuckin should be!” Steve whisper yelled at him, “why are you here? are you okay?”

“no,” Bucky said, looking at his shoes. 

“Buck? what’s wrong ?”

“i-i uhm, i cut myself again..” Bucky started to tear up again, “i’m sorry, i know i said i would stop- i.. i just- i just needed the release, needed to see the blood. please don’t be mad.”

“Buck, shh it’s okay,” Steve stood up from his desk and closed the gap between the two boys, holding onto Bucky for dear life. 

“it’s okay, it’s okay, Bucky,” Steve could feel Bucky slowly relax under his touch. “can-can i see ?”

Bucky nodded after a moments consideration, grabbing the sleeves on his hoodie- well it was actually Steve’s but that’s beside the point- showing Steve his arms. 

“yeah, it’s okay, let’s get you cleaned up and then we can sleep? yeah?”

“yeah.”

_ why was Steve so nice to him? _

the two walked into the bathroom across the hall from Steve’s bed room, Bucky sitting down on the floor, Steve grabbing a wash cloth and getting it wet. 

“this might hurt a little bit.”

Steve put the warm rag over Bucky’s cuts, he was correct- it did sting. 

  
  


-

  
  


the two boys were cuddled up in Steve’s bed when Bucky made a confession. 

“Steve..?”

“yeah?”

“i-i love you. i’m sorry that i’m like this i- i’m trying. i.. i uhm understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Bucky, a few cuts won’t stop me from loving you.”


End file.
